LeBron James Needs To Drug Test The Rest of The Lakers


After the close loss to the Miami Heat last night, LeBron James needs to ask every player on the Lakers to pee in a cup. Laker Nation would probably not be surprised by the results. I can testify to the fact that booze and drug addiction  will ruin not only your athletic career but your life real fast. Yea, LeBron might have a few glasses of wine each night but he is definitely not taking weed blunts to the dome and chasing them with avocado tequila every night.

The Lakers looked as messed up as Tom Brady did after winning the Super Bowl. But, the Lakers were out on the court trying to repeat, while TB 12 had just won his seventh Championship. The point I am trying to make is that besides LeBron James and Montrezl Harrell the  Lakers looked stoned, dazed and confused out on the court last night. They were not focused, they literally looked high, like where am I? I know there are a lot of temptations for the Lakers being  in Los Angeles. I just hope outside influences  have not poisoned the team. 

LeBron James and Magic Johnson

Going into the game the Lakers were without Anthony Davis or Dennis Schroder. No Center, No Point Guard, No Problem, if you are LeBron James that is. If anyone has proven that they can put any sorry team on their back and practically win a Championship by themselves, it is LeBron James. He is the only player in NBA history besides Magic Johnson who can play center on defense and run the point on offence. But Magic could never drive into the paint and monkey dunk on the opposing teams center like LBJ can. In my eyes LBJ is the greatest athlete in all of recorded history. People will always hate on him, no matter what.

Trying to change someone’s opinion about LBJ is like trying to change someone’s opinion on abortion, politics or religion. In many cases their opinions and attitudes are set in stone and not fluid or adaptive. At 36 years old LeBron is still the best, and last night he practically single handedly beat the Miami Heat. But, the Laker scrubs could not help James and the Lakers lose to the Miami Heat last night by two points. 

Point Center

Since AD’s heel injury LeBron James is first in minutes played around the NBA. Why? he has to play more because this Lakers team is worse than the Cavaliers when LBJ was drafted. LeBron is playing Point Center. He is collapsing in the paint on defense, snagging boards and then pushing the ball, running the point. An extremely rare combination, that only LBJ and Magic have proven to be capable of doing. This takes a lot of energy. Can he keep this up? Can the Lakers win another Championship without AD? Probably not, but if anyone can do it, LeBron James can! He has proven that again and again he can, but can he do it again?

Lackadaisical Lakers

Marc Gasol must step up for the Lakers to win. Last night he looked like Shrek out there on the court. He hit a couple of threes, but he cannot play defense at all, to the point where he is a liability. Bam Adebayo scored on Gasol, Morris and Harrell at will. It was only when LBJ was in the paint was Adebayo shut down. Speaking of not being able to play defense, Kyle Kuzma. KK ( I hope his middle initial does not start with K…) [Editors note: It does not] had one of the best shooting games I have ever seen him have.

Starting off with a fade away three, it was an amazing offensive display, until crunch time and LeBron James actually needed him to score, feeding him perfect passes and Kuzma failed to deliver, sound familiar? Kuzma shows flashes of greatness each night, but the greatness is eclipsed by bonehead plays. LBJ makes him look good but we all know that this team is complete garbage without LeBron.

The Unusual Suspects

Who is # 9 for the Lakers? Wesley Matthews looked like he was on drugs last night, I wonder if he is getting his stuff from JR Smith? I know he is the backup, backup point guard, but still there is no excuse he looked dazed and confused out there. He might look like Denzel Washington with that afro in HE GOT GAME  but he does not. 

Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, played like poop. Pope played like poop should be the headline of my article really. He played almost the entire game and only had 11 points. The Laker guards are just terrible, God help them. Alex Caruso played 19 minutes and did not score. 

The Lakers really got their asses kicked by the Miami Heat last night. The fact that the Lakers have the greatest athlete in history on their team made it not so obvious. For example, close to the end of the third quarter LBJ takes a much needed breather on the bench, because he had been guarding Bam on defense and juking Jimmy Butler on offense. The Lakers, who were down by fifteen were now tied. When LeBron comes back into the game the Lakers were down by ten points.

This team falls apart when LeBron is not on the court and that is including when Anthony Davis is healthy. Besides LBJ, they have no playmakers or distributors. Rondo is not there anymore. The Lakers should be incredibly grateful to LBJ’s defensive and offensive playmaking abilities that within two minutes he single handedly cuts the Miami led from ten points to four to end the third quarter, but then LeBrick and the LaBrickers went on a brick streak, until Pope hit a three to bring the Miami lead to four again.

Final Minutes Breakdown

With two minutes to go in the game, Kyle Kuzma makes an incredible shot off the glass and in the process was fouled by Jimmy Butler for an old fashioned three point play. Down by two with one minute remaining, instead of going for two to tie Kuzma shoots a three for the lead and missed. The game appeared to be over, but the Lakers got a little bit of home court cooking last night. On the next position Robinson for Miami was called for an offensive foul because of an elbow that barely grazes Caldwell-Pope’s face. That was a game changer.

Frank Vogel should give them a raise, but then lower his own salary for calling the worst play call ever, by letting Matthews take a three, during the most crucial play of the game. Why Frank? What’s up with that play call Frank? LeBron misses, okay. Kyle misses, fine? But HE AIN’T GOT GAME Matthews taking the shot, I just don’t understand?

The Last Shot

LeBron still almost wills the Lakers to victory by somehow tipping the ball getting a steal on an inbounds pass. The Lakers still had a chance to win last night because of LeBron who poked the ball away to Alex Caruso, who bricks. Lakers Lose To Miami 96-94. The Laker guards must play better, they have to focus. In the words of the South Park Elementary School Principal, “Drugs are bad, mmmkay?”. But the quote of the night last night was by the former coach ow commentator Jeff Van Gundy, commenting on how two of the Miami Heats players played in Division III in college, Jeff said, “Don’t tell me where you start, tell me where you finish in this race.” Kyle Kuzma and the Laker guards need to focus on consistently finishing strong and I still like the Lakers chances to repeat if LBJ stays healthy.

Go Lakers.

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